Chronicles of Love

Choose Yourself

The other day, I got an email out of the blue from that guy. I know, what the heck?

I’ll paraphrase it for you. Mr. Sorry said something to the effect of “I think about you all the time,” and “I wish I could have seen you at Christmas, but you didn’t sound interested,” and “Poor Me,” and “I’m leaving this shithole.”

So I wrote out a very lengthy reply, pouring my anger out to him about how he has been treating me and how it has affected me and blah blah. Then I saved it as a draft. The next day I wrote out a different email that explained my confusion and what I wanted and blah blah. Then I hit send, leaving the ball in his court to reply… or not. He hasn’t replied, probably because my attempt to keep anger at bay was pathetic.

So I wrote out another email, intending it to be my last conversation to him.

I guess you have no reply to me, and that’s alright. I let anger spit all over my last email, so I’m sorry for that.

I DO understand what you are doing and why you are treating me this way, though. We had something good started, but you backed away and let “busy” be your excuse. I have been told that “busy” is just another word for “not into you”, so I’ll continue to go with that. I don’t blame myself, though, that’s for sure. I’m a catch, for someone, I know that.

I also DO know why you aren’t that into me and I’m okay with it. I have to be. We just weren’t in the same place in our lives. Otherwise things would have worked out. So… I guess I don’t blame you either.

I got out of the habit of trying to fix guys so they like me long ago, that’s why I never chased you down. That’s why I never begged you to look my way again. But I will tell you why you weren’t that into me and why we weren’t in the same place in our lives to have it work out.

I hope you get your shit together enough to realize that you can choose to be happy. You say that your kids are number one? You have to be number one. You have to be happy with yourself in order to maintain the relationships you have with your loved ones. With your kids, with your family members, with your ex, with a life mate. You have to come first. It makes sense and is perfectly true and you’ve probably heard it before… but once you accept that little life lesson and chose to live it, things change immediately.

I can yell it to you and ram it down your throat, but you have to actually listen to get it.

Take it from me because I have been at the point where I wasn’t number one and it got me no where but down. But I chose myself. I chose to be happy. I imagined I was happy, which isn’t hard for us Pisceans to do, and I became happy. Changing the way your see yourself and how you live your life is the key.

Choose yourself, Mr. Sorry. Then things will go up. Only then will you be out from the raincloud that you have situated yourself under. Only then will the rest of the world be available. Only then will you know your own self worth and have something of yourself to give to someone else.

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3 Comments

  1. Great post, Tina. Well said.

    🙂

    PS – Did you get my email?

  2. such a GREAT post. i just experienced a similar situation with a certain fire fighter which i’ll be posting about tomorrow. “busy” definitely does mean “he’s just not that into you” in my experience.

  3. Great email and post. I too took that time to be number one to myself. And things changed for me when that happened. Sometimes I need a reminder that I am number one to me and I have to be happy with me, thanks for that reminder. Do let us know if he ever responded.

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