Chronicles of Love Mind and Body

opposites attract… or do they?

Maybe opposites don’t attract at all.

Loser says… “You can’t qualify your present based on your past or you’ll get the same stuff you’ve always received. It’s the Law of Attraction. Like attracts like. If you say stuff like, I hope he’s not going to be a jerk, you’ll get a jerk. If you say I will get a man who loves me deeply and passionately, for who and what I am, that’s exactly what you’ll get. Frame it positively and absolutely in terms of the things you want… not the things you don’t want.”


I have written a list of the things that I like in a man, things that I’d like to see in my man, but I always waver and dismiss it and in fact, there’s only one or two men that I know who even fit my bill. But I’ve always looked at that list as the ultimate be-all and that I’d never get that in a million years.

When I met one guy, I was so excited. He looked like he had his shit together, good-looking, career oriented, et cetera. But in the back of my mind I think I was worried about why this great guy was single and available. In the back of my mind I thought that he must have been pretty scarred up to be single at his age. He would smile to cover up his shit. And all I saw was his smile. I was worried about meeting someone who had a bunch of baggage and that’s what I got. Oh, I know I can never compare anyone else to him and the situation I was in with him, but it scares me to think that my future relationships, friendship and otherwise might be a product of what I have had in the past.

I do want great happiness and friendship and comfort. I want someone who treats me with respect. I want someone to court me and make an effort to be with me and actually be interested in what makes me happy in life. I want someone with similar life goals. Et cetera.

If this is a circle that I have been repeating; if I have been attracting the very guy I don’t want, I’m going to now try to focus on what I DO want, not what I DON’T want.

It worked for Loser… he’s “desperately in love” and bought a ring the other day. Yes, that ring.

“If it worked for me, it can work for you. It’ll come… you deserve great things and will get them.”

But it applies even farther than that… it is paramount in everything in life. If I aim a bit higher, I can attain that goal.

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  1. 12 years ago I made a list. I think I am pretty happy 12 years later that I got all that I wanted from that list. It wasn’t until I decided that I had to be happy with me and to not settle for second best that I found the guy I had been waiting for. Your turn will come and make that list.

  2. It’s true. While Matthew and I have differences in personality, we have the important things in common. We also met after I decided not to settle for crap 🙂

  3. Jackie says:

    All the above…so true. Always be aware of moving toward that which you want. That is the place that is deserving of energy…any energy expended on that which you do not want will only yield you the same results! Consider the very real possibility that it is not you that is waiting for what you want. What you want is waiting for you to be prepared to receive it! Get clear. Be specific. Ask for yourself those things that you would wish for you, if you were your own child! Ask once and behave as though you are already in receipt of it. It will come…I promise.

  4. Re: Loser and The Ring–classic case of a rebound engagement on the heels of a commitment problem. I’ve seen it too many times. Sigh.

    As for making a list of specifics, I think Angella’s right: differences can (and should) exist, but make sure you agree on the big things and the rest will follow. (Too often people clog up the list with things that don’t matter, and that makes it hard for them to find a mate. Don’t compromise on the important things, but leave some wiggle room for the not-so-important things.)

  5. I would say that Loser and The Ring would be (and almost laughable), but it’s not true in this case. I’m not even talking to that guy anymore.

    This is not that loser. This loser is Loser, my friend, and I assure you, I don’t know her very well, but from what I do know, he’s quite lucky to have such a woman. She’s wonderful and I wonder why I never set them up before.

    If they’re happy, they’re happy and I’m happy for him (and her). Who am I to say when one should make that commitment. If it’s in your heart, it’s there… who is going to deny anyone of that? Not I.

    As for the list, it IS the big things I have wavered on and that’s totally wrong of me and for me. I’m taking a new approach from now on. I swear.

    I am not settling for anymore crap. In fact, the mere thought of being in another relationship that will go downhill makes me weep. No more. The next relationship I have WILL go places I have never been (in a good way).

    “I will get that man who is loving and respectful and totally enamored of me. I fear it will totally make you InnerNets sick, but y’all…. it’ll be good when it happens.”

    Maybe I’ll be a mommy blogger too, one day. 😉 Who knows.

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