Truly coping with the loss of a relationship, actually mourning that part of your past, is vital to maintaining closure on it. This is what I have I learned over the past few months.
Top Five Dos
- Rent some girlie movies that will trigger emotions. The quicker you let it out, the quicker you get over it. Immediately after the big blow out, your first order of business is to buy a fresh box of the softest Kleenex. See Also:#2.
- Talk it through with family and friends. Bitch about it. Cry about it. Vocalize your emotions and frustrations. Getting feedback and compliments helps boost the self esteem and it’s always good to have people in your corner.
- Look at your mistakes and patterns. Examine your pain and troubles. Not theirs. Yours. Own your own problems. Then accept what happened, deal with the emotions and choose to get over it. Get on with it. Keep Livin’. L-I-V-I-N. This is your life!
- Go do things that make YOU happy. Hang out with your friends, take yourself on that picnic that you were supposed to have with them or just sit and relax with a new book. Get a pet if you don’t have one already. Refocus your love towards yourself and those who are unconditionally and constantly there for you. Take the time out to heal, to create new habits, to discover yourself again.
- Gather all your emotions and turn them into a spurt of creativity. Write, photograph, knit… whatever floats your boat. Just create something. This is the best time for it; some of the greatest art created has been created through pain, suffering and general ‘angst in the pangst’.
Top Five Don’ts
- Don’t keep beating a dead horse. If it fails to work out, it failed to work out.
- Don’t keep re-hashing everything. This only leads to more fighting.
- Don’t dwell and obsess about their mistakes. They are not your problems anymore.
- Don’t try to “just be friends” after a volatile relationship. It’s pretty rare to completely forgive in your heart.
- Don’t keep doors open. Decide that you’ll touch base in a year or so… maybe.
Actually, the last little while has been a struggle and a half for me. Only the last few days could I really say were some sort of respite from the icy cold fingers slowly wrapping themselves around my neck. I was choking and I still am, Kind of.
For the last 6 or 7 months my friends have been asking me “How are you today?”
I reply with…
“I’ve been better.”
Last Friday I said “Pretty good actually.” And yesterday I almost felt normal.
That’s petty profound for me, actually. I would love to be able to say “Great!” or “I’m awesome!” but for right now I will settle for a “Pretty good.” And even yesterday, I remarked about how this is all day to day and that I should just enjoy my (almost) good mood while it lasts. So I did.
And today? Not so good.
But that’s assumed and acceptable and at least I know that it’s still kind of almost there, still.
Some Parting Thoughts to make you go hmm…
If two people couldn’t keep a relationship going in the first place how can two people expect to help each other get over it?
When one admits that their issues are partly to blame for the demise of the relationship, the other should realistically expect that the other is taking the steps necessary to deal with that issue in order to become a better person. As one should be too. Right?