I will love you if…
There is an often heard refrain among lovers. I call it the “I will love you if” message. This is love offered with specified conditions and it simply doesn’t work. It suggests a bartering or a using of love, or the threat of losing it, as a continual possibility.
“I will love you if you stay home and take care of the house.”
“I will love you if you are successful.”
“I will love you if you agree with me.”
“I will love you if you stay constantly at my side.”
And on and on.
It’s always difficult to meet these expectations, but they become even more perplexing when love is being used as a leverage. Love should be a given, a constant. The message must be, “I will love you, no matter. Don’t worry about losing my love.”
Attempting to redesign another human being is fraught with danger, especially when we threaten to withhold our love as a means of accomplishing it.