winter blue hues…

I had a short surge of creativity tonight, so if you don’t see the change in the site, hit control+refresh.

I had about 4 hours of sleep last night, but got up faithfully to catch Coronation Street at 7:30. At 10, when it was over, I went back to bed and tried to sleep the day away. To tell you the truth, I didn’t ever want to get out of bed again. But I did. I pulled myself out around 1ish, and went to the couch, where I watched National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation* and napped the day away. I also cried during Extreme Makeover Home Edition and was only slightly amused at the Desperate Housewives episode. Then I watched Without a Trace, because Studio 60 has been held over until the new year. Then I thought about saying hello to my old friend here, my computer. I just couldn’t stay away.

I know, I know. Exciting stuff. But I did manage to get more sleep than usual (it was my Mum who ordered me to take the day off).

Thank you to all who commented** on my last post. It truly means a lot to me, to know that if my post isn’t all happy and cheery, you guys aren’t going to leave. I actually thought this is what you guys were going to think. “Holy Cow! What’s up with that girl? She’s so sad and depressed and topsy turvey with her emotions. She’s unstable. I just can’t take it anymore!”

I guess that’s why my Mum always said I was a good actress. I can put a mask on, let no one know or see what is really going on in my head. I can walk around, apparently for months and years and pretend everything is fine, but on the inside I’m very fragile and I feel EVERYTHING. I absorb off other people. When you are mad, I’m mad too. When you are happy, I’m happy too. That’s how I am. I care about everyone else, but not myself. And now I’m sad and I can’t hold it in any longer. Now I need to care for myself and I don’t know how, nor do I have the energy. I feel like I am in need of major support and I’m totally glad I have my blog (even though I feel it’s no longer mine).

So, thanks again. I need you guys. I need to write my thoughts and feeling down, because obviously holding it inside didn’t work. It only made me sick. Now I have to get better, somehow. And writing, I know, will help.

*December is, and has been for many years, Christmas Vacation Month. I try to watch it as many times as I can. Like I told Chrispy… it’s my Christmas Crack.

**And thanks to you who emailed.

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  1. Sounds like a great “Day off”


    I think most people keep a lot in. If we let everyone see inside all of the time, it might be a bit overwhelming. Hang in there!

  2. Oh – and I like the new layout! I lurve blue…

  3. Nice new look. I like. Did anything good happen on Corrie? I watched until 9:40, at which point I had to leave for my kickboxing class which ended up CANCELLED anyway (grrr).

    When I need to take care of myself, I spend lots of time alone and I write, write, write. I also read sappy books and go to sappy movies by myself and it helps. Anyway, that’s my advice.

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